I am not so sure how long is
this post going to be but let me share one story. A story that I will not dare
to tell to anybody. A story that will make you as a reader wonder the person
who is writing this post is crazy or simply just someone who understands
herself completely. This post is going to be about myself, a girl named Hana.
This is exactly where I am going to describe Hana a.k.a me in my own
perspective.
I am always the person who would not tell a private matter
to anyone. I do not always care when someone asks me when am I going on a date
or is there someone that I like that I am staying single and not give any
chance to those boys who have made an attempt to approach me? Why am I always
going everywhere alone without a guy to accompany me? Why am I always spending
most of time going out with my friends? Well, that is just me. I prefer to be
single without letting anyone to control my life. Some boys who I have met told
me that I looked too bold and that made them hesitate to actually approach me.
They thought that I might end up being a drag queen or someone who would toy
with their feelings. Obviously, they are wrong. I am never like that. How could
I toy with someone’s feelings? In fact, I would not want to hurt anyone. Probably
because I do not want to get hurt. So how can I hurt someone? Honestly, having
a boyfriend is never my priority. At least for now.
If someone were to ask me to describe myself, I would say
that I am unpredictable. I can be really nice and be a mean person in an
instant. It all depends on one’s attitude towards me. I am the type of person
who has a complete control of myself but no, I am no perfectionist. I make
mistakes. A lot. Maybe a lot more than I could remember. I am that type of
person who hates being late and always be punctual and the thought of seeing
someone who comes late to a meeting annoys me so much to the point of ruining
my day. I never really think of myself as someone who is ‘not normal’ but then
again, define normal. What does it mean with being normal? Does being late all
the time is considered as normal? If that is the case then I would not want to
be a normal person.
I found out that I am actually a bad liar. I cannot lie
when someone tells me to. I am just really bad at lying. I recall that one time
where I lied to my mother and she caught me instantly. I tried again a few
times lying to my mother and she caught me all over again. I was curious and
asked my mother. “How did you know that I lie to you? She smiled and answered
my question. “It is really easy to detect whether you are lying or not. You might
be looking at me directly into my eyes but you won’t stop blinking your eyes.
How can you lie with your pale looking face and stuttering voice?” Oh. So that
is how I look like when I am lying. So not convenient. That is why I always
keep my mouth shut whenever someone asks me something that I already know. I
need to avoid the tension because I do not want to get myself involved into a
mess.
Somehow, I am definitely good at voicing out my opinions.
There is nothing wrong to tell people about your opinion but you should not be
too cocky where you cannot even listen to others’ opinions or plans. That would
make you look to demanding and bossy. If I disagree with someone’s opinion, I
would voice out my thought regarding their opinion. But that does not mean that
I am rude. I do not have to be rude just because I disagree with one’s opinion.
I do not get it how certain people cannot even accept others opinion and simply
deny every single thing. I would usually give people chance to explain why they
think that certain way and if the explanation is logical, then I would not have
a problem into accepting their opinion. If it is not, either I give a different
opinion or do rebuttals on the opinions that have been shared. Let’s agree to
disagree! I judge people a lot but it does not mean I would tell them what I
think of them. I would usually just keep it to myself unless being asked by
that individual. I believe that I do not have to tell everything because what I
said might get to me again someday.
I may not be good at lying but I certainly can hide my
feelings from others. Especially when I am sad. I really hate when people sympathize
with me because I feel as if they are just doing that to make me feel better. I
even hate the thought of people sympathizing me. I do not need it. I always
find different alternatives to ease my unwanted feelings by driving alone or
going somewhere alone. I need to erase my anger or sadness so that I could move
on from it. If there is one thing that I am afraid is when I let my anger out
to someone else who is completely not aware with my action. No way in hell
would I want to do that to someone and if I did, I am truly sorry. I did not
mean it in any way.
I think I am really good at doing my own things. I rarely
need help in doing things unless I do not understand the instruction. I will
reach out to someone for help so that they can help me in understanding what should
I do. I actually prefer working alone instead of working in a group. It is not
that I cannot work with people; it is just that I find it a whole lot easier to
work on my own because I can do things as I please. If the work turns out not
to be so good,, then I would blame myself since I did it on my own. I would put
the blame on myself and I would fix it. That might also be the reason why I am
always alone when I go somewhere. I only have one intention and once I am done
with it I will go straight back to home. I hate wasting my time on things that
I do not like.
Well that is the only thing
that I want to say about myself. I might tell you more but that is it for now.
Ciao!
